Responsible Dissolution

Prior to reviewing this page you should also check out the pages about contested and uncontested dissolutions as well as the page about children and divorce.

Divorce/Dissolution is a traumatic process. Not so much for the legal proceeding (unless you have an incredibly contested divorce), but it represents the end of a union of two people who at one time loved each other enough to pledge their lives to each other.

Take a deep breath and gather yourself. It is natural to panic and it is natural to believe that the world is about to end. However, having walked client's through the process many times, I know you are going to come out on the other side of this OK.

I believe in a responsible divorce. I believe that you should treat your dissolution as the dissolution of a business and partnership instead of a marriage. Marriages are about emotion. Businesses are about. . . well, business. Business lacks emotion. People make business decisions based on logical and not emotional thoughts. This is what you should do as well.

Of course, you have your children to think about as well, which is even more reason to be responsible in your divorce proceeding.

What is a responsible divorce? It is ending your marriage with the dignity that it deserves. Sure you aren't getting along with your spouse now, and I know it wears on you and makes you short of patience and understanding. But at one point, you loved that person and were willing to work with him or her to make a better life.

The fact that it wasn't a success is not worth crying over spilt milk. You've made the decision that the marriage is over, OK. The business is now shutting down and it is time to divide the assets and liabilities of the partnership. That takes business sense, not emotional drama.

The most responsible thing you can do is sit down with your spouse and agree that the marriage is over. Once that premise has been accepted you can then agree to argue and go to Court over every single thing and continue to remain married over the next two or more years, or you can agree to spend some time seriously trying to work out your differences in dividing up the assets and liabilities.

You will do much better negotiating than you will arguing. It may not be the easiest thing to do and it does require that you swallow your pride a little bit and give some more. But realize that it is the last thing you will be giving to this person. That is the thing to remind yourself when you are negotiating. Get through this and you are done. Most people don't negotiate well and dig their heels in because they are angry. You need to rise above this.

I've watched couples argue and haggle in mediation over everything from the television to the piano they have had in their house for twenty years. Usually the argument about having it isn't really about wanting it as it is about control.

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